Family & Child Development offers advice for divorced or separated parents on how to create a healthy and happy environment for a child who is switching homes for the summer.

Another school year has come to an end. And when the school year ends, a summer of fun begins, but summer sometimes creates challenges for divorced or separated families.

For these families, summer often means summer visitation.

Residential parents will say goodbye to their children for several weeks during the summer while children visit with the non-residential parent.

What should you, as a residential or non-residential parent, do to make the transition easier on everyone?

 

Preschool through elementary school aged children:

It’s nearing time for you to say goodbye to your child. You’re probably nervous, stressed and full of sadness at the thought of missing him or her. It’s natural to feel this way, but be careful how you convey these feeling to your child.

Younger children will take cues from their parents, and parents’ stress and unhappiness may rub off on children. You want your child to have a happy and healthy summer visiting the other parent, so it is crucial that you maintain a positive attitude about summer visitation.

Give your child permission to enjoy time with the other parent. Tell your child you think it’s really important that he enjoys visiting his other parent for the summer.

Avoid saying “I’ll miss you.”

After a divorce, children may feel uneasy about leaving the custodial parent all alone. Repeating how much you will miss the child could create feelings of guilt or anxiety. Instead say, “I love you” and “I’ll think about you.”

Communication is key to your child’s smooth transition from one home to another. You should communicate with the child early on about their visitation so that they can anticipate the change.

Ask children for their input: what would they like to bring to the other parent’s house?

Anything that is special to her, like a stuffed animal, blanket, or photo of the residential parent will ease her transition to the new environment.

In addition, it is important that the residential and non-residential parent communicate about what summer visitation will entail.

Remember that stability and routine are fundamental to a child’s well-being. Children feel more secure and comfortable when there is consistency and predictability across their environments. The parent receiving the child for the summer should make an effort to bring in routines the child is used to. For example, maintaining a consistent routine at bedtime (e.g., bath, brush teeth, read a book) can be helpful.

Communicate with the child when he is getting ready to return home after a summer away. Say things like, “When you get home we’re going to start back-to-school shopping,” and “You’ll be back in soccer practice.” This will give the child something to look forward to, as well as help him anticipate the return to the other parent.

 

Middle school through high school aged children:

Preteens and teenagers react differently to summer visitation and require different approaches to ensure they have happy and healthy summers with their other parent.

Communicating with your teenager is very important. Since teenagers are becoming independent young adults, they may have their own summer plans, and each parent should allow and consider their teenager’s input.

During adolescence, peers become extremely important. If summer visitation with their other parent means going far from home, the teen may be reluctant to leave his or her friends behind. A good cell phone plan will make the transition easier on teenagers who feel connected to their friends through texting and social media.

Allowing your teen to have a friend visit will help her feel less alienated from everyone at home. It will also prevent the teen from harboring resentment for being “shipped off” somewhere without friends.

But the best thing you can do as a non-custodial parent is find a way for your teen to connect with new peers during summer visitation. You should look into different clubs, sports, camps, church groups or fun volunteer activities where your teen can meet and connect with peers.

 

All ages:

The most important thing for children of all ages is spending quality time with their parents. If you are the non-residential parent receiving your child for the summer, you should plan ahead and take time off work. You should also plan activities, like weekend camping trips, swimming lessons, family barbeques and movie nights to keep your child happy, healthy and entertained.

If you aren’t able to spend any significant time with your child, consider a summer camp.

Summer visitation, divorce and family issues are different for every family. If you are struggling with a recent divorce or family issue, consider talking to a marriage and family therapist.

At Family & Child Development, we have several experienced and licensed marriage & family therapists, as well as an early childhood and infant mental health specialist who can help you.

To make an appointment, call 850-862-3772.